I love black thongs
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
