i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Randomize
