he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
