I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
