So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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