hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
how does that bad decision feel?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
