I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
