We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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