I want to make a zoo with you.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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