My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
