took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
