the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
why do cheetos always look like penises
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
