Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Houston, we have a squirter
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
