Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize