I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
