Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
