When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
