Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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