How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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