She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
