did you get engaged???
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
