I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
