We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Dicks are not precious.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
