so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
