I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
