I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize