This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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