The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
