What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
