why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Randomize
