How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
