Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
