i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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