dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you didnt know i had herpes?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
