fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He's on the porch naked. Help.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
