Did you just see the Batmobile???
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
