I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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