im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
