I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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