His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
