You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
