You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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