I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
