we have pet lesbian snakes
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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