White coat. Heels.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
