tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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