apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
