I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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