I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
