I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
