I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
