i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
