Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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