He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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