someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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