Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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