i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Drake has all the answers
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
