the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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