i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We have started to decorate penises.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
